The Upcoming Motherhood Olympics!
Opening ceremonies: February 1, 2009.
Opening Ceremonies will commence at 10:00 sharp. We will have festivities until 11:30, when we will break for lunch and nap time. Games will begin at 2:00 pm, or the end of nap time, which ever comes later.
Games will include:
1-The Vacuum-- All mothers participating will be scored on the average of 3 factors.
1. Square feet vacuumed. 2. Poundage of children being carried on hip while vacuuming commences. 3. 1 point deductions will be taken for each ground up potato chip remaining on floor after vacuuming time expires.
If, in the event of a tie, a tie breaker will commence in the same way mentioned above, with the variation of a toddler walking behind vacuuming mom dumping potato chips on the just vacuumed floor.
2-The Cook-off---All mothers participating will be scored on the average of 3 factors.
1. Difficulty of meal being prepared. 2. Number of children/babies "helping" mom prepare meal. 3. State of test kitchen when meal is completed.
(Note: points will be deducted for each sneeze, booger, or tongue that is injected into any and all food products)
If, in the event of a tie, a tie breaker will commence in the aforementioned way, with the variation of a "missing" ingredient that was "JUST SITTING ON THE COUNTER A MINUTE AGO !!!!"
3-Laundry Endurance Challenge
All Mothers participating will be scored on the average of 3 factors.
1. Number of loads of laundry done before mother tries to drown herself IN the washer. 2. Number of "set in" stains obliterated. 3. Points will be deducted for each sock without a mate at the end of the challenge.
If, in the event of a tie, a tie breaker will commence in the aforementioned way, with the variation of a 3:00 a.m. "Mom, Timmy threw up in my bed!" Twist.
4-Night Before Homework/Cupcake Tomorrow Surprise
All Mothers participating will report to their assigned sequestering rooms, and at the stroke of 9:47 p.m. a school age child will enter room with one of the following: Science Project, 30 cupcakes, or Diorama of Mount Rushmore (due tomorrow!)
All Mothers participating will be scored on the following 3 factors.
1. Length of lecture about responsibility, accountability, application, reliability, communication, and how mom "can't always bail you out!" 2. Use of limited materials in sequester room to create project. 3. Grade given on said project by guest teacher/judges.
In the event of a tie, school age children will quiz sleep deprived mothers on square roots and integers.
All games will take place between 2:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. Mothers will be responsible for children until 7:00 p.m. after which children will be shuttled to the Daddy holding area for dinner, and free play. During this time Daddies will relax on the many couches partaking of the newspapers to read, all professional sports games to watch, and our large selection of video games.
****(Disclaimer: we will not be responsible for any injury as a result of unsupervised children in the Daddy holding area)****
Good Luck to one an all!
P.S. Do YOU have any ideas for future events in the next Motherhood Olympic games??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VITTORIA!!!!!
3 years ago
9 comments:
Don't forget the subcategory of mealtime (getting everyone to eat the dinner you slaved over), diaper changing relay (from one child to another), and bedtime marathon (bath, changing clothes, brushing teeth, story, prayers, and so on). I will challenge anyone to a diaper relay! I have lots of practice!
Seriously Mandy...you need to write a book! that was hilarious!
Ha ha ha...!
I could totally take anyone in the Laundry challenge!
I agree with Steph. Diaper changes and bedtime marathon also need to be included. AND I could take her down in both! Are you up for a challenge Steph?! :)
This is so funny! I'm not even going to pretend to compete with anyone, but if you throw in a category of dealing with a peeing/throwing up dog on top, I might have a competitive edge!
Hahaha! This is great! I probably won't be participating as I have no children and am a frequenter to the Daddy holding area.
But if you had a Clean Up Complicated Wire & Soldering Messes Before Someone Gets Rushed To The Hospital For Electrical Burns, I would be a pretty good competitor. Especially since my husband and electricity don't get along at all. I mean really, he gets shocked every time he touches the car.
Bring it on, Nat! You're going DOWN! :)
I'm a rookie Mommy Olympian, but since discovering that I can do an impressive amount of tasks while my body is technically on sleep-deprived auto-pilot I'd say that you shouldn't underestimate me!! I might just be able to beat you all with my eyes closed as long as there isn't a lot of downtime between events... my abilities seem to slow down as soon as I do!
I dont really want to compeat but I would LOVE to host of any events in my home.
I have an event suggestion - Bathroom Bonanza. The fastest time for brushing teeth, showering (must wash hair) + peeing. You must enter and emerge from said bathroom fully clothed.
My best time is 90 seconds. :-)
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