Announcing the arrival of Baby Vernon!

Proud parent: Darrin Bradshaw
Support: Mandy Bradshaw, Ruth Bradshaw, Nancy Owings, Lori Alley, Tate and Remy Bradshaw
Size: 1.6 mm.
Arrival: January 28th 2009 at 8:32 am
Method of delivery: Urethroscopy
Doctor: Vernon Cahoon, MD

Proud papa is now resting comfortably doped up on a cocktail of medications to help all sorts of unpleasant side effects.

Support person #1 is not resting so comfortably because she is suffering from strep throat and really wants to die.

We decided as we were taking our drugs at the hospital that if this was our first date, there probably would not be a second.

Also, we were going to take pictures of little Vernon but Support person #1 accidentally crushed him into little bits after trying to show proud papa. Ooops.

PS, Don't call child protective services, Baby Vernon was our (when I say our, I mean Darrin, mostly) 6th kidney stone baby. Baby #7 will arrive at an undetermined time/method.

Announcing....

The Upcoming Motherhood Olympics!

Opening ceremonies: February 1, 2009.

Opening Ceremonies will commence at 10:00 sharp. We will have festivities until 11:30, when we will break for lunch and nap time. Games will begin at 2:00 pm, or the end of nap time, which ever comes later.

Games will include:

1-The Vacuum-- All mothers participating will be scored on the average of 3 factors.

1. Square feet vacuumed. 2. Poundage of children being carried on hip while vacuuming commences. 3. 1 point deductions will be taken for each ground up potato chip remaining on floor after vacuuming time expires.

If, in the event of a tie, a tie breaker will commence in the same way mentioned above, with the variation of a toddler walking behind vacuuming mom dumping potato chips on the just vacuumed floor.


2-The Cook-off---All mothers participating will be scored on the average of 3 factors.

1. Difficulty of meal being prepared. 2. Number of children/babies "helping" mom prepare meal. 3. State of test kitchen when meal is completed.

(Note: points will be deducted for each sneeze, booger, or tongue that is injected into any and all food products)

If, in the event of a tie, a tie breaker will commence in the aforementioned way, with the variation of a "missing" ingredient that was "JUST SITTING ON THE COUNTER A MINUTE AGO !!!!"

3-Laundry Endurance Challenge
All Mothers participating will be scored on the average of 3 factors.

1. Number of loads of laundry done before mother tries to drown herself IN the washer. 2. Number of "set in" stains obliterated. 3. Points will be deducted for each sock without a mate at the end of the challenge.

If, in the event of a tie, a tie breaker will commence in the aforementioned way, with the variation of a 3:00 a.m. "Mom, Timmy threw up in my bed!" Twist.

4-Night Before Homework/Cupcake Tomorrow Surprise
All Mothers participating will report to their assigned sequestering rooms, and at the stroke of 9:47 p.m. a school age child will enter room with one of the following: Science Project, 30 cupcakes, or Diorama of Mount Rushmore (due tomorrow!)

All Mothers participating will be scored on the following 3 factors.

1. Length of lecture about responsibility, accountability, application, reliability, communication, and how mom "can't always bail you out!" 2. Use of limited materials in sequester room to create project. 3. Grade given on said project by guest teacher/judges.

In the event of a tie, school age children will quiz sleep deprived mothers on square roots and integers.

All games will take place between 2:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. Mothers will be responsible for children until 7:00 p.m. after which children will be shuttled to the Daddy holding area for dinner, and free play. During this time Daddies will relax on the many couches partaking of the newspapers to read, all professional sports games to watch, and our large selection of video games.
****(Disclaimer: we will not be responsible for any injury as a result of unsupervised children in the Daddy holding area)****

Good Luck to one an all!


P.S. Do YOU have any ideas for future events in the next Motherhood Olympic games??

Becoming Jane Eyre

My dear Reader, I feel inclined to share my tale of chivy with you....

I have thus been reading Charlotte Bronte's novel Jane Eyre and as I have an inclination to do, I poured myself into the novel, becoming too intertwined with one, Jane Eyre.

Thus when my dashing Mr. Rochester arrived home from work, I was in such a disposition to receive interminable love, affection, attention and doting from my master.
He, on the other hand, was fatigued from his long work day. He was long past doting and doing anything but cleansing himself from the mire of his work with a long, soothing shower.

My Mr. Rochester entered the sanctuary of our washroom where he was greeted by the ingenious artwork entitled "half a tube of toothpaste on the bathroom mirror" painted by young Master Tate.
He balked at the newly painted masterpiece and cried out in choler as to why Mater Tate should be allowed to utilize our washroom and toothpaste to contemplate on the artistic things of the world.

In doing so poor Mr. Rochester spilled a whole cup of Q-tips on the floor.

I, sensing his displeasure, made a mental note to fire the maid and governess for their lack of attention to the "creative" outbursts of Master Tate. Mr. Rochester should never behold such a spectacle upon retiring to the washroom for a steamy shower.

Nevertheless, Reader, I bid you to come with me into my thoughts as I watched poor Mr. Rochester ceremoniously cleaning up the Q-tips.

Thought I; Phooey with the Q-tips. Come hug me, love me, behold my presence! Am I not more consequential than Q-tips?


"Leave yonder Q-tips, and come to me dear husband!" I called.

"I am cleaning up my mess." Mr. Rochester replied.

"Come Now, forget the Q-tips which do easily beset you, come to me, I shall have the maid clean them up later!!" I replied.

"I am Cleaning Up My Mess." Mr. Rochester replied with brevity.

"Oh, dear me, am I lowlier than a Q-tip in thine eyes?" I called as tears stained my eyes.

I am Jane Eyre, love me Mr. Rochester!

Reader, I shall not be reading romantic love stories, no matter how classic, for a long while. I am too emotionally involved in them.